he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
