Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
