I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
