Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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