why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
