people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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