very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
