I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
