can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize