3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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