im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
