she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
