Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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