In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
