Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
