My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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