Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
