Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
