He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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