You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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