Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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