Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
