i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dicks are not precious.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
