that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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