real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
