Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
