between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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