This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
