I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
