genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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