shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
