I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
