The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
