dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
