the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
