We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
