was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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