last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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