I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
