I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
