Just fell off a train. Bad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
