It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize