Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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