Jerry, you need to find god
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
