alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the high leading the old right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
