he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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