He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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