Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are two peas in an std pod
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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