My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
