YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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