I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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