just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
