I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize