I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
