Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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