ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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