The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
