I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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