Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You made out with two different species that night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
