I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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