I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
