i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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