Your face is a jimmy john
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
