Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A bitchslap is in order.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
