I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
